It was great to see Steven waiting for us when we arrived at the airport and together we headed off to the hotel in downtown KL. Our first night of culinary treats consisted of traditional Indonesian street food sitting on plastic chairs while rats ran around our feet and a severed cows head eyed us from a market stall across the road. We know how to show our guests a good time.
Walking tours of the city were in order the following day and we meandered through Malaysia’s rich cultural mix of Chinese, Indian, Malay and colonial quarters. We experienced some highly inappropriate shop signs and the weirdest foot massage ever where tanks full of small fish actually ate the dead skin from our feet and legs; quite pleasurable once the hilarity subsides. After a traditional Malaysian Christmas meal we decided to continue our new hobby of drinking in rooftop bars of swanky hotels. In KL this meant a visit to ‘Traders’. On the 32nd, the open air bar with its own swimming pool was perfectly located opposite the Petronas Towers. I was concerned that the ‘Mankini’ would make a reappearance like last time Mark and Steven were out drinking together in pool bar, but thankfully they behaved themselves. Instead we shared a much missed bottle of red wine, courtesy of Mum & Dad. Bring on Indonesia where £30 should buy us more than just one bottle.
Despite some crappy weather conditions we also headed for ‘Sunway Lagoon’, KL’s version of Wet’n'Wild. Next to several women in their traditional burkas I felt particularly underdressed in my cosie and received some curious looks. In hindsight however they could have just been overcome by my two dazzlingly white companions. After the guys entertained themselves on the ‘diddlums’ we watched ‘Quantum Of Solace’ then turned in for the night before our epic trip to Indonesia started the following day.
To recuperate after the scuba course we headed for Krabi’s idyllic Railey beach. Thankfully only a quick long-boat ride from the mainland. It is true that Thailand’s beaches are fantastic with white sand, clear water and nestled between impressive Karst rock formations. The only downside was that it was packed with hundreds of other foreigners and cost a small fortune for those with meagre backpacker budgets. Nevertheless we had a lot of fun whiling away the hours on the beach and in the evenings partaking in the local tipples. Lynz became rather partial to the local dark rum and knocked back a considerably impressive quantity of it. Mark, ever the gentleman, wouldn’t let her drink alone so it fell to me to escort the drunkards home at night. Mark thought his luck was in when two attractive English girls seemed to know his name and where he grew up, quite odd when on the other side of the world. It transpired they were Tim’s old uni flatmates and had all been out drinking together years before. Awaking the next morning to powerful hangovers I also had the bonus of a bad case of travellers belly. I spent the next couple of days recovering whilst Mark and Lynz enjoyed the famed beaches. Bangkok’s airport opened just in time for Lynz’s flight to be re-instated but due to frantic re-routing Mark and I began our planes, trains and automobiles journey down to Kuala Lumpur to meet Steven, our second temporary travelling companion.
We had always planned to do a PADI Open Water Scuba diving course during this trip and Thailand’s Koh Tao island was the cheapest places learn. Thankfully Lynz was also up for the challenge so late one evening we left Bangkok on a cramped sleeper bus for what became the most horrendous journey of our trip to date. The first leg was on a bus and despite being squashed and arriving at 4am it was fine. The second leg however was a 2 1/2 hr boat crossing over to the island. I had my eyes closed from the first second but Mark assures me it was the scariest ride of his life with enormous waves engulfing and swaying the boat making about half the passengers chunder. I assumed the fetal position until the torture was over thinking the whole time how I was definitely my mother’s daughter. To our credit, both Mark and I both held our stomachs though we swayed back and forth for hours later ack bon dry land.
Our first night on the island was spent in a scummy pit with damp linen and bed bugs so we hastily checked out and into a new place that offered the course. Caz & Asa arrived later in the day and along with our instructor Alex, we began our classroom sessions that afternoon. We weren’t expecting to have to use our brains on this trip so the lessons were somewhat of a shock to the system. The following day’s pool activities were more fun and we were excited about our dives out at sea. Unfortunately the water didn’t calm any for journey to the reef and consequently in our four following dives I managed to vomit on the boat, on the surface of the water and under water into my regulator at 16m deep - not pleasant. Sea legs I ain’t got.
Despite my illness and poor visibiity due to bad weather conditions it was great fun and we all became fully certified. Now I’ve had time to recover I look forward to diving elsewhere in the world, where the seas calmer of course!
We begrudgingly got up at the crack of dawn and set off to the Khao San Road to start a tour of such epic proportions we still feel exhausted by it now. The trip was sold as a ‘River Kwai Tour’ though a more honest description would have been a ‘Petrol Stations of Thailand Experience’. Thanks to a minivan with a knackered radiator we stopped every 30 minutes or so to douse the engine with water, turning a 3 hour journey into a 5 hour monster. The driver however was determined that we shouldn’t miss out on the full itinerary so we made up time by travelling at break-neck speeds.
We saw and crossed the famous bridge over the river Kwai, rode elephants, visited a series of waterfalls, floated down river on a bamboo raft and re-crossed the bridge by train. A visit to the P.O.W memorial site was particularly poignant for Helen as her Great Uncle died building the same railway line in Burma and we spotted many other graves belonging to soldiers in his regiment.
By the time we got back to minivan we’d been going around 12 hours and were looking forward to a speedy return to Bangkok. Unfortunately after a short way the van finally seized up and we were stranded by the side of the road until the ever smiling driver called his mate to take us home. Back on Khao San and completely worn out we recharged on Red Bull and set off to experience the shadier side of Bangkok’s culture with a visit to a Ping Pong show (if you don’t know what that is please don’t ask). Though quite educational we’ll never look at a birthday cake or a banana in the same light again.
Leaving Laos was very sad for us as it has probably been our favourite country so far. Making up for this however was the addition of our lovely mate Lynzie Mac to our globetrotting party. Taking a train journey over the border we found our sleeper plagued with tiny insects that flew in through the open windows, attracted by the bright fluorescent lights that they refused to turn off. As you can imagine we arrived in Bangkok not feeling at our best so when Lynz surprised us with a Birthday/Christmas treat to join her in her gorgeous hotel it felt like a gift from the gods. Clean sheets, a lovely pool and complimentary massages!
When we finaly prized ourselves away from the luxury we explored the city visiting the Royal Palace, the World’s Largest reclining Buddha and many of the local bars. The most impressive was definitely ‘Vertigo’ an open air bar with great cocktails and an amazing view of the city from the 64th floor.
The protests in Bangkok got very heated during our stay with reports of shootings and bombings, culminating in the airport closures. Despite all this, the only effects we felt were enormous traffic jams due to road blockades and a slight feeling of paranoia after a taxi driver warned that my red t-shirt was the colour the opposition wore.
Si Phan Don, otherwise known as 4000 islands is a series of small islands within the Mekong at the very southern tip of Laos. Although many islands are not inhabited some have a real backpacker vibe with bamboo huts on the waters edge and hammocks to while away the hours in. I decided this was exactly the sort of place I fancied seeing in my 32nd year so off we headed for some R&R. It was possibly the most chilled out place I have ever been. After visiting several cafés and perusing their menus it became clear why it was just so chilled out.
We checked into a very cheap hut and in the night realised why when I woke to the sound of rats in the roof and 2 giant cockroaches on my face. From then on we assumed the position buried deep within our sleeping sack and covering as much of the face as possible. As a birthday treat Mark moved us into a lovely concrete rat free room for our final few nights.
Caz and Asa joined us for my birthday and we hired bikes and rode to an impressive waterfall on a neighbouring island. On the way back we did a bar crawl all the way back to town where we opened my lovely gifts and carried on drinking. A local shopkeeper had given me a free bottle of Whiskey so we necked shots from that which were pretty horrid but did the job. The following day we took a tour to another impressive waterfall (South-east Asia’s largest in volume apparently) and then onto view the fresh water Irawaddy dolphins. Very shy creatures but they were great to see when they did make an appearance. Slightly more entertaining was a group of young monks who were far more fascinated watching us, particularly when Mark and I shared a Beerlao directly from the bottle.
We left Vientiane on a night sleeper bus bound for Pakse. Despite being a foot too short for our height the double mattress style sleeping arrangements was surprisingly comfortable, even with my water slide injuries. We arrived feeling remarkably refreshed and checked into a lovely hotel with free wifi and cable TV and that’s pretty much were we spent the rest of that day after sorting out our impending motorbike tour. The ‘Southern Swing’ is a classic route around the south of Laos’ Bolaven Plateau. Mark was very excited about the whole adventure but I, as usual, was just worried about possible crashes, fatalities and complicated insurance claims. Just when I had reassured myself that we were responsible adults with 24 years collective road experience and all would be well we picked up our 125 Suzuki ‘Smash’ and it just felt like a sign from above.
It turned out however to be one of the real highlights of our Laos experience. Mark rode very well, assisted greatly by my expert pillion positioning. We rode 350km around spectacular scenery of coffee plantations, tribal villages, weaving communities and a series of truly impressive waterfalls. Many of the roads were sealed and in surprisingly good condition but others were impassable on anything other than a bike or 4×4 vehicle. The people were the real highlight calling out “Sabaai-dii” (Hello) and waving as they realised 2 large white folks on a tiny bike were heading through their remote village. Aside from our first visit to a familiar fuel station when we started the journey every other top-up was done by stopping at a little wooden shack. A kid would usually appear from nowhere and syphon off enough dodgy looking pink fuel to keep us going until the next one. On our return to Pakse we were sad to give the bike up and I think if we have any money left over after this trip that will be one of our first purchases when back in Blighty.
Boarding the ‘King of Bus’ in Luang Prabang we should have known it would be anything but. The six hour journey escalated into a ten hour epic after a flat tire and a series of radiator related breakdowns. Fortunately every time the engine overheated there was a good supply of water drenched over it to cool it back down. Unfortunately all of our rucksacks got equally soaked in the process. The first hotel room was quickly turned into a Chinese laundry with the entire contents of our bags hung out to dry on makeshift washing lines.
The main order of business in Vang Vieng is getting wasted on Beer Lao and Lao Lao cocktails whilst floating 4km down the Nam Song river in a tractor’s inner tube. The first kilometer or so is lined with bars that throw tow ropes out to passing tubers. Each bar has its own gimmick; rope swings, zip lines or slides. Once on land and out of the tube the steady stream of free shots and cheap beers make the once absurd looking ‘rides’ seem extremely appealing. With our dutch courage we gave nearly all of them a go, smashing back into the river and scrambling back out to try again. That was until Helen bruised her ribs and I broke my arse. The camera was left safely back in our room so take a look at this for a flavour. Along with Caz and Asa the evening was spent back in the town continuing the days drinking with buckets of lethal cocktails until we all passed out on the floor or in nearby hammocks. The next day was spent managing a punishing hangover and our aching bodies.
After we’d our regained our ability to leave the hotel room we continued our journey south through Laos to the capital Vientiane. With only a night there we weren’t expecting much, but after being turned away Mary and Joseph style from nearly every guest house in town we soon discovered we’d arrived for the culmination of the That Luang full moon festival. Taking place in and around the Pha That Luang temple it seemed like a music festival for Buddhist monks, with stages, stalls and thousands of people milling around. With a motorcycle trip on the horizon we thought it would be wise to make an offering and ask for a blessing from the monks to keep us safe. Armed with incense and flowers we joined the throngs and said our piece, later wishing we’d remembered to include a host of fully-functioning buses for our future travels.
Leaving the sheltered world of Siem Reap behind we flew to Luang Prabang, nestled in the Northern Laos hills. The flight in took us right over the Mekong river and the views of the surrounding lush jungle were stunning. The town is a sleepy provincial capital, full of French colonial buildings and dotted with orange robed Buddhist monks from the many local monasteries. We were shocked not to be mobbed by any tuk tuk drivers upon our arrival at the airport and actually had to ask for directions to the taxi stand. This was our first taste of the laid back national culture and was a breath of fresh air after the frenzy of salesmen we encountered it Cambodia and Vietnam. Eager to see some of the country before we succumbed to this chilled lifestyle we signed up for a two day hike and kayak tour. It took around 30 minutes of trekking through the sweltering jungle to wish we’d taken the easier option straight away. However, despite being drenched with sweat and sharing our home stay bed with a variety of giant spiders, visiting the remote village tribes was a great experience and seeing the hardships of their daily lives really put our own cushy routines into perspective. Thankfully our guide spared us the barbecued rat supper.
The following day we kayaked to a beautiful set of cascading waterfalls for a welcome opportunity to wash off all the salt we’d accumulated during the trek. A three hour peaceful paddle in the kayaks took us back to the outskirts of Luang Prabang and that’s when we hit the rapids. The guides gave us some brief tuition but didn’t ease our fears with their now very serious attitudes. Paddling furiously in an attempt to keep the kayak upright we blasted through the waves and even started to enjoy ourselves after we’d survived the first few terrifying sets.
From Phnom Penh we took a bus up to Siem Reap and managed to score ‘business class’ seats so the six hour journey flew by. Famous for the Angkor Wat complex of temples, Siem Reap is major tourist destination and seems a world apart from Phnom Penh in the South. Along with thousands of extra tourists this meant it was easy street for a few days with a pattern of temples in the morning then lounging by the pool until happy hour started on Bar Street for 50 cent beers. We stayed at the ‘Golden Banana’, perhaps the gayest hotel in S.E Asia and certainly one of the nicer places we’ve stayed on our trip. Perhaps this should be a new criteria when trying to decide upon a guest house?
The temples were amazing and by getting up super early we managed to get them to ourselves for a few hours until the hordes of tour groups arrived. Tomb Raider was filmed on location at Ta Promh, a temple being slowly swallowed by the surrounding jungle, and it feels like the land time forgot. Whistling the theme to tune to Indiana Jones and armed with our trusty torch we scoured the walls for a hidden switch to the secret treasure chamber. Most of the child shop keepers are trying to sell dodgy temple replicas and t-shirts but would do so much better if they offered whips and Fedora hats.
For an interlude to our adventuring and to escape the punishing heat for a day we signed up for a cookery course to learn some of the secrets of the delicious Cambodian food. After a trip to the market for ingredients we got down to business and created a small feast then gorged ourselves till the noise on Bar Street signalled it was time for happy hour.
